Transactional - a communication or activity between two or more people that influences and affects all of them  Analysis – Study investigation Transactional Analysis (TA) focuses on the interaction between two or more people. By understanding how we communicate Eric Bearne the founder of TA discovered that changing the interaction was a way of solving emotional issues that could hinder a positive outcome of a conversation.Bearne, a psychoanalytic-trained psychiatrist believed in making a commitment to “curing” his patients rather than just understanding them. TA describes how people are structured psychologically. It uses a simple Parent-Adult-Child model to do this which indicates that at any given time, a person manifests their personality through a mixture of behaviours which fall into one of the three categories, Parent Adult Child, known as Ego states

Parent ego state: represents the occasions when during conversations we respond in a manner that copies the behaviours and actions of parental or influential figures from our lifetime. Can you recall instances when you hear yourself thinking ‘I sound just like my mother/father/teacher’? You are reflecting and copying their behaviour.For example, during a conversation a person may display anger by shouting at someone because they learnt from an early age that when the parent shouts the child takes notice.

Adult ego state: represents the occasions when during conversations we draw on our lifetime of experiences as an adult to guide us objectively to a positive outcome. When we are in our Adult state we see, hear and respond to people as they really are, and have an understanding of why they are reacting as they do, rather than accepting at face value the way they choose to communicate. For example, during a telephone call our organisation were to be criticised we would respond with a calm, logical response which aimed to reduce or remove the emotion from the discussion in order to resolve issues in a logical and factual manner. We would adopt this state having learnt throughout our lifetime that shouting, sulking, answering back or other emotional states will detract from, and add an extension to the time when a resolution is reached.

Child ego state: represents the occasions when during conversations we revert to behaving, feeling and thinking similarly to how we did in childhood. For example, during a conversation a person who receives criticism may react as they did in their childhood when they were reprimanded. This reaction may take on an emotional form, crying, sulking, answering back or perhaps feeling ashamed or angry.When we adopt an ego state it is generally through an immediate and unconscious action an action that is based on how we responded to a similar situation during our early formative years. Example: an angry customer calls your organisation with a complaint. The customer has adopted the Parental state, learning from an early age that when his parents shouted at him, he took notice and felt bad and did all he could to make amends. By mimicking what he learnt and shouting at you he is banking on you taking notice of him, feeling bad and making amends, probably by way of an apology, refund, replacement or compensation. You have also had childhood learning’s and your childhood learning’s may have taken one of the following routes:

1)      you responded to someone shouting at you, by shouting back

2)      you responded to someone shouting at you in the same way as your caller did as a child by feeling bad and doing all you could to make amends

3)      you responded to someone shouting at you in an adult manner, by remaining calm, and using facts and logic to achieve a harmonious outcome for everyone.

If you respond with route 1 you will surprise your customer, he wasn’t expecting that sort of response, his past learning’s have taught him that you would take notice, feel bad and make amends. His next response is to try again this time, shouting even louder and continuing to do so until he gets the response he was looking for and expected. When he doesn’t he may ask for a manager so he can try with someone else. Eventually if he continues to get the ‘route 1’ response, he ‘burns out’ and either ends the call defeated or hangs up in frustration.

If you respond with route 2 your customer will get the reaction he expected and he has moved to a position of control. He will retain his Parent ego state until he has achieved the outcome that he wanted from the call.

By responding with routes 1 or 2 it is possible that the outcome may not be suitable to your organisation. The customer may not have the correct facts, he may be ‘trying it on’, or he may have good reason to be angry. Whatever his justification whilst you are both operating in Adult ego states as in route 1 or Adult and Child states as in route 2 you are not in a position to negotiate and bring the conversation to a positive conclusion for all parties. The result is either, an outcome where the customer is happy but your organisation is working at a loss, or an outcome which leads to a dissatisfied and even angrier customer which could potentially damage the reputation of your organisation.

If you respond with route 3 you will be drawing on all your experiences of handling a parental ego state and reaching a resolution that is fair and just. You may have to negotiate to achieve a suitable outcome for both parties but negotiation can only take place when both callers are acting from their adult ego states.  

No doubt the training and guidance you have received for dealing with difficult customers is based on maintaining an Adult state. Initially it is suggested that you: 1) Listen to your callers issues and apologise, whether it’s your fault or not. It may not come easily to you but an apology is the first step to resolving the issue in an Adult state. Even if, based on the information your caller has just given to you it is clear that your organisation is not at fault, apologise of the fact that the caller feels the way they do. “I’m sorry you feel this way……………………..”

2) Sit tight until they have finished complaining. Prior to making the call your customer  will no doubt have practiced what they intended to say and no amount of interrupting will stop them from saying it! It may be possible that based on your childhood experiences you feel you want to answer back or become emotionally upset. To react in either of these ways will prolong the point of resolution. 

3) Once your customer realizes you are not going to respond in the way he anticipated he will start to move from Parent state to Adult state, when his logic to the current situation is realised. He will have nothing left to say and has no need to repeat anything because you have demonstrated that you have listened to him, and taken on board his reasons for being angry and upset.

4) Once you are sure he has finished his ‘script’ you can address any points that need clarification. Communicating in Adult state will require you at to ask questions so that you can fully understand all the facts. 5) Once you are in possession of al the facts you are in a position to resolve the situation. Entering the conversation in Adult state and maintaining it will have a positive effect on your caller. Initially they may adopt a Parent state but if you choose not to respond in Parent or even Child state you will encourage him to move to Adult mode too.

There are two ego states to Parent:

1)      Controlling Parent

2)      Nurturing Parent

Controlling parent will most likely be adopted by and angry customer as they draw on the experiences of an angry adult from their childhood. There are occasions when a Controlling Parent state is a positive approach to communication. It is perfect to introduce into the conversation when you need to offer direct, constructive criticism, communicate boundaries or present a caring but firm attitude.

As it implies anyone adopting the

Nurturing

Parent

State communicates in a caring manner. There are probably few instances when a customer would need to communicate with you in this state, but there may be occasions when you do. If a caller contacts your organisation and is clearly in a state of emotional distress and possible even tearful it would be appropriate to move into Nurturing Parent state to calm them down. As you progress though the conversation move into Adult state and maintain it. This will encourage your customer to follow you so that you can resolve the issue for them. If they choose to remain emotionally distressed it will affect their ability to work with you. Take care when adopting Nurturing Parent state, if it is used in an inappropriate manner or time your customer could interpret it as sarcasm or a condescending manner.

An emotionally distressed customer has chosen to adopt the Child state, likewise a customer who makes proclamations such as ‘It’s not fair, I’ve paid good money for this’. Should it be apparent that your customer is in such a Child state, it is still important that you allow them to say what they had planned. You may have to move into Nurturing Parent initially to engage them before moving to Adult state, when you can respond positively to their call. Just as Parent states can be useful so too can Child.

There are two ego states to Child

1)      Adapted

2)      Free

An Adapted Child state can manifest itself in either a positive way when the person is co-operative or negative when they show resistance to something.

A Free Child state can show straits of spontaneity or demonstrate immaturity.We all have experiences to draw on which will cause us to act in a Parent or Child states whichever our unconscious deems appropriate at the time. We may achieve the outcome we want and it may or may not serve us well in the long term.  We start using the Adult state at ten months old. The subsequent years provide more and more experiences for our unconscious minds to draw on. Though the Parent and Child states can serve us well, it is in the Adult state that most conflicts will be resolved to good effect and timely resolutions which may include negotiation, achieved.  Adopting Adult state to handle difficult customers will go a long way to supporting your intention of good customer service, with shorter and more productive call times.

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